i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
