if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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