Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
