You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
