He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
