Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
