How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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