I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
