The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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