now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
