Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
