nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
