so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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