Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
