Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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