Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
