I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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