Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
