my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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