my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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