so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
