Grow some girl-balls and come out already
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
