A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
