Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
