I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
