when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
