you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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