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I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
