aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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