she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I would fuck him just for his dog
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
