we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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