Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
