He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
