he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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