Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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