he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
