You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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