Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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