i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
