I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
