bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
