how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
