There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
