I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
