i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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