my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
