There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
