Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
