she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
