If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
