so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
