Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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