She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
