You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
